I overheard a young man saying this the other day while I was out getting coffee; “My wife is leaving me, what should I do man…!”. For the moment, I felt for the guy; he was a young man with plenty of kick left!

If you’ve never had the miss fortune ( or the blessing ) of a woman telling you she is leaving. Just live a little, it will happen, although I hope not. You only experience the joy after the pain, if you loved that person.

I don’t know what it is that someone in the relationship feels as if playing the “ I’m leaving you card” is suppose to make you act right and straighten up to do what I want or need you to do. In my case, when I heard it many years ago, it did make me think for a moment. As I reflect, me thinking for that moment was exactly what she wanted me to do, when she could have just had a series conversation without the avoidance, denial and deflectionon ( wow…did I just have a Dr Phil moment or what!)

When all else seems to fail ( she couldn’t get you to do what she wants), the threat of leaving seems to be her only option. Back to the young man I over heard, while I was out getting coffee. I so wanted to share with him these three things, that was helpful to me, when I first heard those words from my then wife. She would leave her packed luggage near the front door as a display of her resolve in carrying out her threat ( I’m still laughing as I think about it). Little did she know, I saw this coming for years, she had no intention of staying in the marriage. Ok, enough about me.

First, if you’re reading this and you’ve recently heard those words, you must read the following disclaimer:

— START DISCLAIMER —

The following you are about to read is not to be taken as relationship advice, it is mainly for entertainment purposes (IE: Me making light of past experience. Although I wish I could have shared this advice in all seriousness to the young man who was obviously stressed ( him not knowing it was a blessing and ticket to being free from a woman who was possibly seeking her independence), it was an event he must learn from to appreciate the experience. Take the Red Pill!

— END DISCLAIMER —

The reason why I started writing my blog “GoingAgainstTheGrain.org” was to share my experiences in the black church and say those things that people were reluctant to say out of the fear of being rejected by their peer group. Me waking up from a slumber, are the results of the blog. I guess its safe to say that “IDGAFF” this content is not for the squeamish, timid or the mega church religious at heart. I should have put that in the disclaimer also!

Ok, I just want to get to the three things I would have loved to share with (keeping the disclaimer in mind) that young man.

Thing # 1

Keep Your Poker Face!

If you’re not sure what that means, I’ve included a picture as per example:

Opps! The wrong picture! My point is, don’t look like you’re in SHOCK! If you didn’t see this coming, you weren’t paying attention man! Now, that she ( or He) has you’re attention, close your mouth and sit up straight, let it sink in that you were just served! Now that she has that out in the ethos, you have a decision to make. To buckle under the pressure, grovel and submit to her demands or move on to thing #2

Thing #2

Wise decision! The fact that you are reading “Thing #2” shows that your spine has regained its strength and you noticed you do have testicles! (easy…remember the disclaimer!). Remember, she in fact, did announce, “I Am Leaving YOU” not, “We really need to talk” ( in her heavenly angel tone). Also, since there was a fast transition between my writing about Thing 1 and 2, its obvious that I want to get straight to the point, because this is not a counseling session! And thing Three is when you will breath easy, hopefully laugh and ask yourself “Why didn’t I do this sooner!

With that being said, here is the second thing I wish I could have shared:

Give her the Fingers!

As in the following example:

No, its not the satanic “666′ signal! Take notice of how precise the index finger meets the tip of the thumb! Also, note the caring and cheerful expression of acceptance, look at how the mouth is closed and that approving smile of relief. Take a moment, go to the mirror and MASTER THIS! You may need to demonstrate this to another man out getting coffee!

Since you’ve had time to think about why she is leaving after perhaps years of relationship or not so marital bliss, at least she was honest in informing you that she is leaving. Its obvious there was no physical abuse, because your a$$ would be either in handcuffs, or in front of a judge for battery ( hmm…two size D’s). Maybe it was too much time spent on building a life for the two of you and she wanted you home more or date nights were few and far between, enough of the cross examination!

Thing #3

I would like to say, if you as so much cracked a smile or got a chuckle out of my dry humor, Great! Because being serious most of the time, sucks! I learned to laugh at myself and the things that I’ve allowed myself to stress over, when I had no control over them.

Control, now there’s is a word that i could write a story about. If couples would stop trying to control each other in the relationship, perhaps, no one would have to experience …THING # 3 after #1 and #2

Wave Good Bye!

Yes, that’s right! After you gave her the fingers, move her packed luggage to the other side of the door and Wave Good Bye.

There is no sense in getting angry, pleading or chasing after her. She made her declaration, she has obviously thought about it, and in many cases NO “It Is Not Cheaper to Keep Her!”

Your peace of mind and sanity are worth much more than you sitting in a coffee shop or any where, distressing over someone who no longer wants to be with you, is only worth rejoicing over, when you realize, they don’t want a resolution and all the signs were there and you should have done the “WAVE” sooner!

Going Against The Grain