The “D” word is almost as frightening as the “L” word after a split, breakup and yes, a divorce. I like to think of dating as the interview for a suitable mate or marriage partner. Partner, now there’s a word that sounds so temporary; it sounds more like someone you choose to navigate a maze, play a game or try and accomplish multiple tasks together. Now that I think about it, isn’t that what couples and married couples do?

Everything good or not so good about the relationship will either strengthen or weaken the bond you should already have after being together for some time. Special moments, those intimate conversations and resolving those difficult issues are some of the things good, strong relationships are made of.

I remember the marriage counseling I attended more than 30 years ago; I could have gotten better advice from a bubble gum wrapper; only a few questions were asked. I could have answered those question is an email because nothing I learned in those sessions that would prepare me for my first few months of marital bliss and responsibility. Yuck, the “R” word! I’m not allergic to responsibility, just being responsible for someone who receives and gives nothing but drama in return. Why is the seriousness or marriage (for some), is only realized, right before and soon after a divorce?

Relationships are for growing together, not isolating and punishing the other with silence when someone doesn’t get their way.

A Four Star Restaurant!

When I lived in Philadelphia years ago and was dating this woman (location was changed to shield her identity). I learned that she was married more than once ( the number of times was changed to protect the not so innocent). I indeed had questions about those past marriages, my deep-seated fear would have been (if we were to marry) how soon before I was the next statistic to add to her count. Now, your thinking; that’s no way to start a relationship! Well, If I go into a Four Star restaurant, and I see more people are leaving then staying, I won’t eat there! Oh, wait, maybe that’s a bad analogy as bad as the mental picture I just had!

Most everything you need to know about how the marriage may (or may not ) work, can be learned in how you interact and communicate with each other …in the now! In the absence of meaningful communication and what I learned from navigating an emotional minefield, I could see past the perfection she worked so hard showing. I was never looking for perfect, just someone who bought more to the table other than the art of interrogation, beauty and how to take a perfect selfie!

Life is to be lived and not lived under the microscope or thumb of anyone. Life partners or having a mate are for growing together, not isolating and punishing the other when someone doesn’t get their way. If what you bring to the relationship are your hurts, pains, betrayal, and suspicions, PreMarital Cancelling will save your sanity and prevent you from experiencing the heartache the “D” word brings.

Going Against The Grain